Giving ourselves & our loved ones gentleness and time
in a world that doesn't want to always give that to us.
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Thank you so much for being here!
I have been feeling really frustrated by the world, by people not taking greater measures when it comes to COVID, by Roe being overturned, by witnessing mass violence daily with no sort of time to fully process or grieve or act in response to the violence. Giving ourselves and our loved ones gentleness can feel hard when all we may feel is deeply numb.
The other week I was out with my sweetie and we were both feeling really numb from the news & the weight of the world. We ultimately decided to watch “Bambi.” In watching it, I was in a little bit of awe about how people had the attention span to just consume slowness on a screen. To watch just sweet animated nature scapes without too much else happening in the foreground. Yes, in the movie Bambi’s Mom dies (spoiler I know) but even the death is being treated with less harshness & intensity. You know what’s happening, but the scene lets you grieve and process, in slowness. We’re so inundated with so much happening all at once. The violence everywhere in our world.
In the numbness I was still trying to be a “productive member of society” which led me to making mistakes & errors with the work I was creating. Instead of having grace with myself I had felt embarrassment. I felt my own internalized ableism creep in, which was saying that what I needed to produce were things that grammatically made sense from the get go. I took some time to feel those feelings and to make the little edits I needed. My little embarrassment spiral was eventually calmed down, by myself just acknowledging how deeply human it is that I made mistakes. It was another reminder for me to just slow down even if I wished to have shared something that has been sitting in my heart for a long time.
“Perfectionism is a commitment to habitual self-doubt” - Prentis Hemphill
Part of this notion of slowness is why I don’t feel moved to set a certain “day” that these newsletters are released. I don’t want to rush anymore, I want to do away with feeling pressure to always “show up” and “post” for digital engagement. I am still peeling away that desire, slowly. I want the folks who read this to take their time much like I am taking the time to create this. I remember as a kid always having trouble moving slow and taking my time. I was always ready to get to the next thing. Sometimes I wonder if that was a response to all these surgeries & doctor’s appointments I’d have, where I was so over them that I just wanted to return to my own little world. I see though that even if I don’t want to necessarily rush anymore, the years of habitually rushing formed a deep habit. This habit is something that will take time to break, asking of course for more gentleness.
The last several days have consisted of slow sweet moments. This past weekend I got to celebrate my friend Chiomma’s birthday and we just blew bubbles at a park as the sun came down. I had lunch with a friend the other day, where the train kept rolling by loudly which forced us to just move at a slower pace with our conversations. I went on a movie date to see “Marcel the Shell,” which mirrored similar sentiments of the beauty of nature’s slowness.
The other morning, I was outside drinking coffee & journaling as a dragonfly just calmly sat by me on the table. I took some time to watch it and it’s subtle little movements. I returned to writing and took my glasses off only to find the dragonfly then just landing on my glasses. It stayed with me for about thirty minutes. I got to examine its beautiful blue colors.
It looked like it was enjoying itself in the stillness it was surrounded by and I was doing so too.
Giving ourselves or other’s gentleness doesn’t excuse or dismiss accountability with ourselves or loved ones. Gentleness can be a balm to be softer with myself & others through frustrating, numbing and violent times.
Where in your life currently can you be more gentle with yourself?
How can you be more gentle with yourself in times of turbulence? What can you do in moments of scarcity or fear?
How can you display gentleness with your loved ones, while also honoring the boundaries that you’ve communicated with them and they’ve communicated with you?
Four things for you:
I have currently been reading the book “True Biz” by Sara Novic and this book really struck a chord with me as a person who has been Deaf since birth. I highly recommend checking this book out!
These graphics are from the @defendatlantaforest Instagram account. If you haven’t seen what’s been happening at Intrenchment Creek Park in Atlanta, please take some time to either look through @defendatlantaforest’s IG or read this article. Below is a call to action to help re-open Intrenchment Creek Park to the public.
Really appreciated this post by @access.ecology, this post includes image descriptions for every slide in their captions.
CW: Anti-Trans violence
Atlanta community member Tomorrow Valentino has been battling cancer and was just brutally attacked. Please help Tomorrow recover, more information about her journey is on her Gofundme with frequent updates on her recovery. She’s asking for donations via Cashapp ($GFM007) or Venmo (@Tomorrow-CSOL), please donate if you can!
Thank you so much for taking time to read my newsletter and I look forward to sharing more things with you soon! As always, I am available for commissions if you are ever interested in working with me. If there is anything that sticks out to you in this newsletter, please share it on social media or share it with your loved ones. I also have some merch available over at my online shop. Okay, enough self promotion, I hope that you are staying safe and well. <3