Moving through grief and embracing the timeline of it
You deserve to move forward at whatever pace you desire!
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I’ve been sitting with this drawing on my iPad since the beginning of the year. I was really racking my brain to figure out what I want to say about it and today it came together. I have been really trying to just move away from this need to post or share things as they happen, learning to discern what I wish to really share. This year has been honestly filled with grief for me. Grief in so many ways, not just grieving the physical death of loved ones who passed this year so far but also grieving the past and what is no longer here now. I’ve been so thankful for the loved ones who have been really showing up for me this year in this midst of this grief and there have been times where I have felt really bummed about how slow my grief has been moving for me.
My loved ones have been so deeply patient with me in the midst of my grief, time and again. They’ve shown me so much grace. I remember texting somebody a few months ago saying “I guess to be in grief and deeply loving simultaneously shows us that we are truly alive.” Grief is part of growing up, it’s part of being a human and it’s exhausting. It’s okay to feel exhausted by it. I feel like this week I have been making the realization that the pace of my grief, is okay. It may be slow but it’s helping me love others on a deeper level. In my grief, I find myself with new realizations that I am still processing. I am also seeing how I can be grieving while still showing up for others.
I thought for a long time that I had to love myself first before being able to show up fully for others, it’s a thought that feels very untrue for me now. In bell hooks’s “All about love” bell writes, “When we can see ourselves as we truly are and accept ourselves, we build the necessary foundation for self-love…whether we learn how to love ourselves and others will depend on the presence of a loving environment. Self love cannot flourish in isolation.”
A lot of the atmospheres in my personal drawings are a homage to my hometown of the Outer Banks of North Carolina. I was very fortunate to grow up around such a beautiful nature scape, even if it was something I took for granted when I was a younger child. I was surrounded by beautiful woods, the ocean and large sand dunes. My bright colors are often nods at the color palettes of the sunrises & sunsets I’d see or the quirky beach homes that surrounded me as a kid. The drawing I shared with this really reminds me of the nature of my hometown in a lot of ways.
When I take the time to explore the nature of my hometown, it brings me peace. Growing up in such a small town didn’t necessarily do so, but moments where I could just escape to watch the sunset were moments of tranquility in the midst of uneasiness. I’ve learned to really embrace my hometown and make amends with the smallness of it. It has taken me time. The illustration mirrors those feelings of tranquility for me. It mirrors this notion that in the midst of grief & chaos I still have access to moments of peace, of love and of comfort.
Much like it took time to hold a new lens to my hometown, its taking me time to grieve. It’s refreshing to know though that even in grief there is still deep love, love from my community, from nature, from the nourishment I give myself. I just wanted to remind you, if you are in a place of grieving, to be gentle with yourself. Grief will come in waves and sometimes we have to just try our best to surrender to those waves.
Four things for you!
Editors note: I found out that I got the source wrong for a quote I posted in my last newsletter in which I originally had attributed Marsha P. Johnson, the quote was actually from a beautiful tribute to Marsha by artist Micah Bazant.
This video has been making the rounds in the Disability community and I highly recommend taking some time to watch this. It features interviews with Andrew Gurza, Imani Barbarin, Charis Hill and Raven Baxter.
If you are in or near the Boston area, Atlanta based artist Noah Grigni has a beautiful exhibition called “Protect Trans Dreams” up at the Boston Children’s museum, you can read this lovely article by Eva Reign about the show on TransLash.
If you are an artist, please consider applying to the Laura Patricia Calle Grant by Living Walls, stated on their website: “The Laura Patricia Calle Grant is designed to honor Laura Patricia Calle's life, hard work, and immeasurable passion for equality for all people and the manifestation of diverse cultural expression in our public spaces.
This year, we’re partnering with the Edgewood Neighborhood in Atlanta who has been looking to bring new artwork to the underpass at Dekalb Ave and Whitefoord Ave. We invite artists and art collectives to present proposals for a mural to be painted on this underpass. The mural should inform and promote awareness on the subject(s) of:
✴ Social Equality
✴ Feminism
✴ Immigrants' Rights
✴ LGBTQIA+ Rights
✴ Cultural DiversityThe selected artist will receive $15K to bring their project to life from August 15-31, 2022.
The winner will be notified by August 1, 2022.” You can read about the grant and apply here.
Thank you so much for taking time to read my newsletter and I look forward to sharing more things with you soon! As always, I am available for commissions if you are ever interested in working with me. If there is anything that sticks out to you in this newsletter, please share it on social media or share it with your loved ones. I also have some merch available over at my online shop. Okay, enough self promotion, I hope that you are staying safe and well. <3